Have you ever dealt with people that just complained about, literally, everything, almost all the time ? I know some people don’t really have anyone, no friends, no family, no one to vent to and sometimes, we all need a person that we can share our frustrations with. I understand that, don’t get me wrong. My mother used to be a chronic complainer, just like her own mother. They would go on for hours, talking about their problems. As if their problems were more important than your own, like you don’t have your own problems to deal with, but unlike them, many don’t want to share their own problems with others because honestly, we all have ours. I don’t think there is anyone that can say that they never had any problems in their lives. That’s just how it is. Life isn’t perfect and we all have our own issues we have to deal with. Frankly, I also don’t think anyone wants to listen to someone who tends to just complain about everything all the time, we don’t need a constant reminder of how shitty life can be.

Facebook for me, is a way to connect with family and friends, to share moments we live with others. Yes sometimes, things happen and I’m not talking about that. Nothing is always perfect, on the contrary. Personally, I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I always told myself that I would never be like my mother or her own mother, because I didn’t like listening for hours on end, about problems people have in life. It would often be about complaining about my dad, not making enough money, about bills, things breaking, replacing, house repairs, this and that. It’s not that I don’t care, but after a while, it gets tedious, time consuming, it drains you and can stress you out. Recently, I’ve had to deal with someone like that. Having anxiety, PTSD, stress from recent events I had to personally deal with, listening to their complaints, just built up the stress within me and I suddenly, without saying a word, had to block them. This tension I felt inside, the stress, anxiety, overwhelming me, of not knowing what to say to their negativity just pushed me over the edge. They were bombarding me with voice messages, one after another, just complaining and complaining about every single thing wrong in their lives.

I don’t block people out of maliciousness, it’s usually a way to protect myself from the anxiety a situation brings, if it gets overwhelming like that. As I am getting older, it’s becoming more difficult for me to deal with my anxiety and stress. I didn’t used to be like that. This blog, for example, is a way for me to share my thoughts with others who might relate or anything I find interesting and would like people’s opinion on it. I love writing and it’s my way to cope with stress and anxiety and escape reality for a bit. For others it can be video games, taking a walk. You get the point.

Then came the audacity to reach out to my sister to ask her if I had a tendency to just block people randomly for no reason. She was too blind to even realize what happened and why I did what I did. Mentally, I just couldn’t do it anymore at that time. Instead of being frustrated and replying harshly, I decided to just block her. What am I supposed to do ? Enable them and just listen, and feel sorry for them ? Then it would never stop, it would go on even more. She doesn’t understand that I don’t have time to spend hours on facebook, just listening to her venting about her problems. I told her repeatedly that I didn’t have much time and I’m not on facebook that much, but this fell into deaf ears. What am I supposed to do ?

Such individuals dwell on negativity, adopting a victim mentality seeking emotional validation from others. I often tried to give her solutions but there was always something that wouldn’t make those solutions work, so after a while you just stop giving any solutions or try to help them. It’s never good enough. I tried to be positive and make them see things in a more positive way, which seemed to have helped for a bit but then they fall over again in their old habits when something bad happens. I tried setting boundaries by telling her I couldn’t be on Facebook too long because my life is actually quite busy, but this was disregarded. If I am on Facebook, then I have all the time in the world to listen to her complaining. When I was trying to point it out, she acted as if I was overreaching, making me sound like I was crazy for even thinking that and that’s not what she was doing. It looks like she rejected any advice because she preferred sympathy over fixing the problem.

People around these chronic complainers seem to at point, have enough and tend to cut ties with them and even that, doesn’t seem to register that there might be a problem with them and not everyone else around them. My husband offered solutions and told me that she probably didn’t have anyone to talk to, which I understand. So the second time I tried to be more understanding, but I’m not perfect and don’t have solutions to every problem. I’m just to sit there, listen to them, sympathize with them until they are done. I just can’t and refuse to do that but then I am seen as a bad person because I don’t respond to the 20 voice messages sent one after another in rapid succession. The messages of chronic complaining kept coming in, I listened to them, but wasn’t responding to them because I truly didn’t know what to say! I’m only human and don’t have an answer to everything and I refuse to enable people and sympathize with that kind of behavior. That made me a bad person for not acknowledging it, or even daring to ask them what they wanted me to say about it ? I truly didn’t know, but that makes me a bad person.

When I was younger, I was a pushover. I was shy, reserved, timid and I let people walk all over me, constantly apologizing for everything even if it wasn’t my fault and had, still has, very low self esteem. That’s the mentality of someone that truly has been physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. As I got away from the abusers, grew up, my mentality started to change to a much more blunt way of approaching things. I don’t sugar coat the truth and i am not going to lie to please someone either. It’s just not me anymore. Yet, like many others, I am supposed to just sit there, take people coming at me, insulting me, blaming me and not defend myself from anything that is thrown at me. People who abuse others mentally, are good at making you feel like crap about yourself for even pointing something they might be doing that you think is wrong. They are good at making you feel like less than nothing and making you feel like you are wrong for standing up for yourself or thinking a certain way. People who have a lot of mental issues, and are master manipulators also tend to blame you for not giving them the sympathies they are expecting and will tell you that they will just kill themselves and leave everyone alone to make you feel bad and sorry for them. This is a toxic way of manipulating someone.

I stopped trying to be negative a long time ago, especially when I finally cut ties with my mother, because I just couldn’t live like that anymore or be around people who are negative all the time. It was draining me out mentally and physically and put me in a bad mood, which my husband suffered. It’s not easy to understand unless you have been in that situation, but our abusive childhood is not a reason to lash onto others. At some point, when people start leaving around you or you push people away, you have to realize that there might be a problem with you, not everyone else.

Of course I have problems like everyone else, but we all have problems and I keep Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family and share happy moments with everyone. I rarely post about bad things happening because I know everyone has their struggles. I love sharing my animals with others because I love them. I’m not talking about never sharing anything bad, or feeling down, I’m always there for those who need it. It’s the CONSTANT complaining about every single bad thing that is draining.

I also find that if you try to be more positive, things are better in general.

Do you have anyone in your life that is a chronic complainer ? What do you usually do to help them ?